I Farted First

Let’s talk about a natural reaction of the body.

F A R T I N G !

(I know right, what else does Caitlin have to do on a early morning on a Thursday other than talk about farts)

Here are my thoughts:

DON’T be embarrassed. It’s natural.Get over it. Everyone does it. Whether they are alone or not. Hell, even after death people have been known to let one go, but hey if we weren’t meant to fart, we never would be farting in the first place.

DON’T hold it in. Not a good move. Not only is it bad for your body, but you can totally shit your pants do to stomach pain. Them farts can be deadly man (not literally).


DON’T hide them. You! Over there in the corner, lifting up their leg. $100 guess you are not just admiring the wallpaper. You may think we don’t know what you are doing, but we do, we all do.

DON’T deny it. There is nothing worse than being stuck in an elevator with one other person, smelling a whiff of their gassy juice.

ME: “Hey, did you just fart?”

FARTER: “No….”

SERIOUSLY! There are only two people in here and I know sure as hell I did not do it. Even if I complimented you on your fart, “good one man”, don’t deny it. I know it was you. If i farted in the street or grocery store (which I do quite often) and someone complimented me on my air monkey, I’d be damn proud of it. “That’s right, it was all mine”

The last three relationships I was in, I the first one to fart. (Come to think of it that’s probably why two of them ended.) I wasn’t ashamed or embarrassed, I figured if I let one rip before them, they could relax and loosen up more, and not get all wrapped up in their heads about trying to hold in their own anal emissions.

There is absolutely nothing wrong about the bottom burp. I’m not saying rip one out when you meet Justin Bieber, or the Prime Minister or whoever. But just be aware, that it’s okay to fart. Think: “Caitlin supports me farting”

Everybody FARTS! Also! Everybody shits and masterbates. (Topics to be spoken about in a later blog.)

DON’T YOU DENY IT! 

If I farted first, you can too!

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