Suburban Space Invaders

Date: October 25th, 2012

Time: 9:30 to October 26th, 2012

Destination: Venue. Vancouver

Objective: The Asteroid’s Galaxy Tour (also to getting toasted)


This first and most important thing to remember when going to a concert (especially going to one where you have never seen the band perform before) is bring people who are a blasty blast. Make sure your bring people who all get along, but are also completely different individuals. If you bring fuckers that are all the same you’ll regret it. Nobody wants to see a bunch of fuckers that look like Gleeks,wearing leg warmers and the whole she-bang. DON’T DO IT! You need to mix the friend salad a bit. For example, I brought my best gal pal, my boyfriend, my boyfriend’s boyfriend and an old man. Perfect combination.

Now, my next point will definitely get mixed reviews, but please bare me for a moment. I feel that if there is a band, artist or what have you and you are set on going to see them, I suggest (strongly so), to purchase all the tickets. Why? Because, if the concert turns out to be flaky as fuck they had a good time or at least are thankful you bought the fucking tickets. Think about it: free concert, with good people = an alright night.

Something is missing. Ah yes….

Drugs and Alcohol. Forget what your neighborly Flanders say. Beer and drugs is a killer time. Keep in mind (it’s all in moderation).  Alcohol wise I prefer champagne to start the night off and it has to be the cheap ass shit too. The expensive crap isn’t worth it and if your like me and bought everyone’s ticket, they ain’t worth the real shit. Your friendlies would just be stoked enough that they are drinking something intoxicating! Please, if you ever host a pre-party concert thingyfuck think about this: Champagne for my real friends, and it’s a real pain for my sham friends (Dickie Roberts my personal life coach). Once your done with the champagne, beer for the rest of the night. You do not want to be passed out   in a dark alley only to wake up to a clown fucking a bunny that’s fucking a day old carton of milk. (There is some weird-ass shit in Vancouver).

As for the drugs, I recommend staying away from the hardcore shit. Nothing worse, than petting someones stinky ass foot while on E, or painting rainbows with your left butt cheek while on mushrooms. (Both times, where awesome, but not for a concert). I suggest the most basic and natural of drugs. MARIJUANA! Smoke it, eat it, shower in it, I don’t give a fuck what you do with it, but it is a killer time.

Is this stuff mandatory? Fuck no, but you will be guaranteed a good ol’ blasty blast of a time no matter how much the concert blows.

1593Bad Fever: I chose the ‘special’ brownie. What can I say, I have a thing for sweet treats and high eats. Probably the most awesome thing about eating the green is the fact that once you get high, you get higher and higher and before you know it, you are in clouds playing with all them Care Bears. (I’ll never forget you Hugs&Tugs). Downside: It took for-ev-er to get to the damn concert. I swear I was in the taxi cab long enough to finish off  some brewskies, adjust my wardrobe, take some terrible pics, put on my face and had I been alone I could have thrown puddy on the moon (a few times).

Inner City Blues: Once in the ‘Couve, down on Granville Street, muggles are everywhere. I like people, but when I’m feeling a little gumby and my body feels like it’s running through molasses, I want people  to either die or be gnomes. If they die, I don’t have to deal with them, if they are gnomes, they would at least be entertaining and they could show me the yellow brick road.

The Sun Ain’t Shining No More: Once we get to Venue, the opening band missed their flight. GOOD! Face it, opening bands suck. Glad I don’t have to sit through some shitty ass band play. However, if they played a Phil Collin’s song or better yet Phil Colin’s was the opening act, I would stay. So, no band, gives me time to fuck off around the corner with my posse and shoot the shit. {Side Note: If you are super baked, the shit ain’t easy to shoot, but it’s fucking funny regardless} I’m pretty sure, if I remember that night correctly we were singing some Phil Collin’s , I was anyways.

Push The Envelope: Drank some sugar at home and we are on a street surrounded by strip clubs, bars, pubs, clubs and tranny’s. More drinks are in order.

The Golden Age: The Asteroid’s Galaxy Tour is on stage and I’m pretty sure Mette Lindberg is more coked out than my party. Granted, if I were a foxy broad, singing music with a bunch of European men (one who plays the fuck out of his little keyboard by the way) I’d probably do a few rails before too.  

Lady Jesus: Best thing about bringing a bestie, she/he will do anything for you to make sure you have  an awesome time. That being said we were in the front, and what we saw. Wow! I’m pretty sure if we weren’t both toasted it would be lame sauce, but let me tell you we saw: a he-she fingering the fuck out of a keyboard (poor thing didn’t see it coming), leg, lots of leg, God parting the clouds, people making out and I’m pretty sure there was a tiny Chinese garden on stage right.

Fruit: My boyfriend decided to leave his boyfriend and find me. He didn’t make it to the front of the stage. Said the crowd was too crazy. PSSSFT!!!

Sunshine Coolin’:  His boyfriend, at the bar. Drinking.  (That’ll do friend, that’ll do).

Arrival of the Empress: The old man, as soon as the concert started he also started. He was taken into the crowd like queen. Had a big smile on his face, and vanished into the smoke, we never saw him again. JUST KIDDING! He came back, he always does.

Fantasy Friend(s) Forever: It may not have been the best concert I have ever been too, but I for sure had a killer time. So please, friendlies, remember: be the host, drugs/alcohol and brings some Suburban Space Invaders! It’s worth it!


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