The Lone Vagina

For those of you who know me, are well aware of my strong…dislike for females. Perhaps, dislike is the wrong word, hmmmm…. Lets’ see here….how shall I say….I prefer sausage over taco any day. No, this isn’t me suggesting I swing both ways you sick fucks (although I had my fun in the past), this is me saying I would rather have friends who have the cock. This is not to say I don’t have any girlfriends, but the ones who made the cut either worked for it, or earned it by default. Let me explain a little:

I currently, have three chicka’s who I love the shit out of. Two of them I met in junior high, both gals were an easy shoe in. This was because they played video games, were athletes, farted in public, would laugh and could make me laugh so hard I had to think of babies being eaten by mutant ravenous squirrels just so I wouldn’t pee in my pants. Although we are all in different parts of the world right now, every time we see each other whether once a year or once every three years it’s just the same old fun farting shit, accept this time we are women. And now our farts are deadlier! (Watch out boys).

ImageAs for my other lady friend, she lives next door! Best place to keep a bestie I say! We kind of fell into our friendship, though I do feel I put her in the ringer a little bit. Here is the thing; my man lived in a house with other men! I’m telling you this was my Barbie Dream House! I loved it because I was the only vagina walking over to the man cave for quite some time. Then a new girl started showing up. I would like to say I was a bitch to her because I was trying to protect the boys, but really I was just a territorial cunt who didn’t want to share something that was never mine. Not only was she a babe, but she liked video games, hockey and in all sense of the word a guy’s girl. Just like me.

Eventually the men moved out on their own, my man became my flat mate and his friend and the new girl/guy’s girl moved into the place beside us. We’ve been friends every since!

Man, I’m a cunt. I swear if I was a dog I would be pissing on every man I came in contact with just to let the other roaring vaginas know, THESE SAUSAGES ARE MINE!  Rarr!

I have calmed down a bit, that is to say all my feelings are the same, I just may be a little, more reserved with how I act upon them. For example; whenever a friend starts dating a new lady, inside I’m pissed because I’m no longer the lone vagina, plus competing with cunt is exhausting. Regardless of my actual thoughts on the bitch, I tell my friend I’m happy for them anyway. That is just how good a friend I am. I may just give the girl a noogie or a slap in the face, but that goes without saying.

For the longest time I thought these feelings stemmed from long term daddy issues, but then I realized my dad is awesome and I have no issues with my daddy. I also thought it was because I was the middle sister out of four. I tell you, to most men a house full of women is a dream, but in reality it’s just terrible. There is a waitlist for the morning shower, which is usually behind schedule, our crimson river’s sync up, which results in a week of PMS, the trash can filled to the ‘max’  (pun intended) and the house just smells like fish! I would rather suck the teat of a beached whale corpse than live in a house filled with women; you will not be seeing me on The Bachelor anytime soon I tell you what.

I’m starting to think that girls naturally have this territorial instinct. I just think some girl’s territorial tendencies are stronger than others. Mine, are warriors!!!!Rarr!

There is just so much about women that annoys me:

  • Perkiness, not in the booby department either. I’m talking about the Little Miss Muffet flight attendant shit. Way too goody two shoes for me.
  • Dikes! I’m not homophobic, but I’ve been hit on by way to many dikes in the past and that shit just needs to stop. Dikes as in the man ladies, not Lipstick Lesbians (those chicks I may allow/enjoy having tImagehem hit on me).
  • Sorry ladies, feminism is an eternal stream of PERIOD! I ain’t riding that wave.
  • WE ARE THE WEAKER SEX! Bitch, please! Women with cock envy are just not right in the ovaries.
  • The passive aggressive way of life.There are way too many women who are like this. WHAT THE FUCK! Be like me, fucking throw shit to get your GOD DAMN point across, don’t sob in silence hoping the douche will apologize.
  • Self-confidence is way to extreme in the ladies, meaning: some heads are gigantic and some purge their confidence in the toilet.

FUCK! there is so much more shit to say about women that I strongly don’t approve of or like, but I need to stop before I throw my computer across the table in rage of the ovary invasion. Please, don’t get me wrong, I love being the beholder of a perky set of tits and a cunt, I really do.I just feel I have the tendency to want all other women to die, and leave all men to me.

ImageAnd so I, the Lone Vagina walks alone (or among sausage).

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