Little Signs

I haven’t experienced much death in my life. In fact, in my 27 years I can easily say a handful. The first for me was just over a year ago. She was my best friend. After Lisa’s passing, I tried to prepare my heart for the future. I tried to prepare myself, knowing that a young and beautiful woman had passed, and there are more people who are in my life with such importance who will also pass. One day. Maybe not now, but possibly soon.

This past June as few of you know, I, along with my family had lost an absolutely wonderful and genuine person. My grandma. I could spend hours describing how magnificent she was. But, and perhaps this is the most magnificent of all her aspects; she was my soul-mate.

I will admit I haven’t full grieved her death. In fact, in the last two years I have fully grieved any death. Sure, I have moments where I am looking at photos, or a I pull out a random object that brings on the waterworks. But in all essence, I haven’t full opened myself to feeling the sadness. Lets face it, no body wants to feel that way.

When I was younger, I wrote poetry like a mad woman. Limericks to odes and all of the above. For every birthday and Christmas gift I wrote a poem. I used to write my grandma tons and tons of poems. And she in return read them, saved them, and gave me more poetry books to get lost in. At a young age I was surrounded  by Oscar, Edgar, Ogden…

My first published piece was in a Canadian Anthology of Verse Island Skies. She bought a copy, asked for my autograph and kept it on her mantle filled with family portraits.

I haven’t written any poetry in quite sometime.

On my flight from Vancouver headed to little town Wiarton, I wrote a poem. It was simple, it came so easy as I was writing it, it was as though someone had gotten a hold of my finger tips and my heart and wrote it for me. And so, I will share it. It’s not meant to be critiqued. It’s not meant to be judged. It’s not even meant to be for just me. It’s just simple meant to be.

I know I will see you again,

in another form, another place.

I have noticed that you left messages for me.

Little signs that I can trace.

The daisies bloomed nearly everywhere,

Popping up throughout the town.

It is these little things that let me know….

You haven’t left me yet, and that you, are still around.

The monarch have made their way…

to your house for company.

I greeted them with open arms,

just as you always did with me.

As I walked into your house,

I was surrounded by familiar faces.

By aunties, uncles, sisters, brothers, cousins, fathers, mothers…

And you, my grandma too.

For my heart is where your place is.

It is hard to imagine a life without you,

physically here. It is hard to comprehend.

But I love you, I love the mystery of your messages.

Dear Grandma, Until we meet again.


Caitlin Ann

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