The Art Of Self Loathing

Sometime of Past ‘circa 2017

Well, folks I’ve always been a jack of all trades, but it seems I’ve finally become a master of one. SELF FUCKING LOATHING! Ugh, so not ideal, in any way whatsoever and yada yada ya da.

You guys know, I got issues. Dr. Phil couldn’t even fix the shit I be shitting on. My main issue, I feel is I constantly self sabotage myself. I say something stupid, I do something reckless, I knock a bitch out (KIDDING! I’m a lover not a fighter). Anything good I have, or semi decent or positive or whateverthefuck, I always seem to mess up.

Then it starts, I hate myself. I self loath my days a way. It’s selfish I know, but I get into this funk and I can’t seem to get out.

Some kind of Present

Mjz8gmgPGe-10Wow was I ever fucking dramatic or what. I suppose in those of yesteryear my life was drama-filled, whether I wanted to or not those were the days of my life. Full of sex, drugs, Sunday Night Specials. The soap story of the century.

Now, I’m still the same person. Still a sad sap, but I spend less time in my bathroom taking depression baths, I spend more time in the sun, less self-anylsing and finally moving the fuck on!

A lot has happened, not only in the 30 years I have plagued this world, but even in the last couple years. (Also just a side note:Fuck you 2017, worst year of my life, eat a dick).

I spent a lot of the last couple years as a hollowed out individual, nothing but a shell of a woman running on empty. Tears, cocaine and two-finger dieting. Definitely traits I decided not to share on Tinder. Anyways, I wasn’t much of a person.

By the beginning of Summer of last year, I lost friends, motivation, a love, and any one thing that could keep a person going. Medication increased, self worth decreased, I was constantly fighting with everyone of my selves, until I give up, they won and kept fighting and I grew more tired.

But alas, that time has past. Here I am, a little more than a year later and this is probably the first time I am actually not crying while writing my blog. I’m not even sad, not even a little. Just wondering WHO WANTS TO BE A MASTER OF SELF-LOATHING! Not this not-so-spring chicken.

Anywho, what sparked this blog was me sorting through my drafts of blog not posted. This was one. For me it’s nice to see how things have developed.

Thoughts?

 

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One thought on “The Art Of Self Loathing

  1. Love your comments, truly makes me wonder about the time I have wasted thinking about how bad things. Instead I could have been trying to love and live

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