25 Things Video Games Taught Me

FYI I am an avid video gamer, now that I currently am not working a 9-5 job I am more avidly so. That being said; I have decided to let you in on a little secret I have (and potentially most geeks and gamers alike). Here are 25 things that videos games have taught me, which I am sure after reading this you’ll want to save (manually, there is no auto-save here). Image

  1. First and perhaps the most important: DON’T BE A HERO! LEFT FOR DEAD! When playing games with zombies, RUN! You can’t kill them all.
  2. Shrooms are the perfect powerups.
  3. WoW is not a game, but a way of life. A sad one, but one nonetheless.
  4. Never trust Raiders. They will fuck you up and over. EV-ER-Y-TIME!
  5. LAG is no ones friend. Neither is Sephiroth.
  6. Hand-eye coordination! I can give a mean bitch slap. Thank you controllers!
  7. ImageThere is no re-spawn in real life. It will always be a game over!
  8. Weapon of choice: Shot Gun or Bow and Arrow!
  9. Stealth! I move in and out of shadows, dare I say a ‘mystical ninja’.
  10. Always use a deep voice when using a head set (or phone). This will allow me to not get sexually harassed. However, there are the odd times when I am in the mood for some social banter of cunt VS cock.
  11. Road rage can be dealt with using banana peels and koopa shells.
  12. Stay on the path! No sense in chancing combat with a scorpid.
  13. How to quickly and efficiently get things done (i.e- masturbation).
  14. Giving advice! All video games are full of problems and the only way to finish the game is to solve them riddles kids.
  15. There is no strategy book for life. However, there are Black Books. Don’t read them, unless you feel like getting diddled by the devil.
  16. Ocarina is not an acceptable instrument for school band.
  17. When in doubt…..SHOUT!
  18. How to make food, sleep, exercise, pay bills, get a job, buy a house, build a house, upkeep relationships, have kids, etc. My lil Simbot has grown up so much!
  19. When the Zombie Apocalypse happens (and it will I assure you) all gamers will definitely be outliving all you non-gaming folk.
  20. How to put all my shit in storage! ImageImage
  21. Having friends/alliances makes all the difference. No one can help you out if all you want to be is a lone land strider.
  22. Don’t stand by barrels. Or gas tanks or anything flammable.
  23. When in downpours or there is hard rain, RUN and HIDE! Preferably a room with one entrance and no windows.
  24. Updates!
  25. That no matter what, its doesn’t look as real as real life. Pretty freaking close though!

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