Let The Lonely In

So here is the deal.

I guess you could say, I am still ‘newly’ single, I haven’t been on any dates or bumped naughty bits with a stranger….yet… One of my pups is now with the ex, while I kept the other one and the cat. The ex’s stuff is mostly moved out, a few  random ef2009e3be3fc465artifacts still floating around, which will soon be on eBay if he doesn’t collect. Oddly, enough, my feelings didn’t truly hit me until the ex took away my friend, the Xbox 360. This my friends was a sad, sad day because I ultimately realized, I am lonely as fuck.

Am I depressed? Nah, but the herbs and potions help me out with that. They are all just rainbows and unicorns to me.

Do I listen to Whitney Houston’s All By Myself and cry myself to sleep? Yes, however I have cut it back to Sunday’s since the neighbours that I was harboring puppies under my stairs.

Now that I am single, it feels like everyone has someone. Before when I was in a relationship it seemed like everyone was single and living in the golden days. Clearly, nothing gold can stay, thank you Ponyboy.

I have friends and I also have ‘friends’, But in all honesty it just doesn’t feel like it is enough. Sure, I go out from time to time and force myself to socialize. But really, all I am thinking about is going home, lying in bed and feeling sorry for myself. I even find myself pushing my friends away which makes me feel even more shittier and lonelier. Cait, The Littlest Hobo.

Although being out and among the Plebeians is probably what is best for me. Sometimes I would rather just not exist. I would rather go home, sit my ass on the couch and play vids. Which reminds me, Goodbye XboX.

Lara-Croft-SadSo I chose to be single. I didn’t choose to be lonely. But here is the thing. When I was in a relationship, I wasn’t alone, but I indeed was lonely. I felt like I lost a core group of friends in the early years of the relationship. My new friends, were his friends, which then became our ‘friends’, which now is back to the way it started, his friends. Don’t get me wrong, he didn’t steal them or call dibs, sometimes that is just the way it goes. I also do have my own friends, although few and far between. But that is the way I like it.

Siri by the way, is the worst friend ever. All she does is lead me down dark alleys and on roads that don’t exist. She makes fun of my still ever present Ontarian accent and has since stopped talking to me. Siri=worst friend ever.

I noticed I play Solitaire a lot. That is a true story.pokemon dark pikachu sad lonely realistic drawn stylized 1280x800 wallpaper_www.wall321.com_83

I’m tired of hugging myself.

I wish my pillow would cuddle me back.

I’ve created multiple personalities just to keep me company. Though half the time they make fun of me.

I’ve started turning to resources to help me. I  was looking up on the good ol’ internet How to Cure Loneliness. It was suggested that I go on a date….hold on wait for it….with myself. Like seriously, just no. If anything I will feel more sad, more lonely and the restaurant will run out of liquor. Straight up.

It also suggested to seek out other lonely people. Um, I don’t know about you but that really just sounds like the saddest party ever. I would probably have better luck at AA.

The internet also suggested I should stop using my cat as my shrink. All I’m wondering is how did it know that.

I will say that through all of this. I do find that I am doing more with myself and learning more about myself. For instance, I’m usually in bed around 10 or so (that is of course when I am not working). I wake up before my alarm around 7. Barrie (my pup) and I cuddle in bed. We now fit it more walks with each other. My house, is my house. And just the way I like it.

I know that this is a process. And right now I may be feeling down in the dumps, but I know or at least can hope that it will get better. It will get easier. So that being said, I’m okay with letting the lonely in.


Cat Like Life Coach

Recently, I have been struggling with who to turn to in times of the melodrama in my life. Usually I have a list of people who I go to for certain things in my life. For example, I go to my boyfriend for financial issues (if you know me there is deep, deep irony in that), I go to his boyfriend for relationship trouble, I go to my best friend for everything (boyfriend issues and fitness relapses), I go to my grandma for all complications in life and well, I think you get were I am going with this.

For the past two months, (although I still go to these people in times of need), I have been experimenting with another alternative. You see, I feel as though I am constantly burdening these people when I go to them with my troubles. So I’ve decided to have a life coach (this is my alternative).

Meet Olive. (if you read my previous blogs you’ve met her already).Image To answer you question: YES, it’s just silly and fucking weird to have a cat as a life coach, especially one with anger management issues. But what the fuck do I care, I feed her, I clean her shitter, I brush her, I let her watch me shower, watch me eat, watch me sit on the crapper, I let her sit on my lap during intense gaming sessions, I let her eat my food…basically this kitty owes me.

I believe Olive to be a reflection of myself, and when you can see that reflection in front of you, on another being it can put things into perspective, even if’s a hyper-active-bi-polar cat from the streets.

Olive, like me loves to sleep.  I’m telling you, us ladies pass the fuck out at just the thought of sleeping. Our half hour naps turn into four sessions of floating on clouds with Obi-wan Kenobi. When my alarm goes off for the second, third, fourth time, Olive knows it’s time to stretch her kitty limbs and walk her ass over to me face and wake me up. In fact even when I have terrible nightmares I’m always woken up by Olive sticking her ass in my face (I swear she’s trying to fart).

When I come home from work or anywhere really, she greets me with a big HELLO or WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN!?! She’s got some attitude this one.

ImageWhenever I’m on the computer, usually writing, but playing the occasional WoW or chatting with the parental units on Skype, Olive is right there. Usually, on the printer, on the desk, on my lap or on the computer. It’s cute for the first couple minutes, but it only takes a little bit before who eyes start ripping apart your soul.

She is a little carnivore. I love my meat. This cat eats things bigger than her.  She downs sausage faster than I deep throat……ahem. In short, she is no vegetarian.

When I do my home workouts, she is always there, either doing her cat stretch on my yoga mat or doing cardio laps around the place, bouncing off walls like a cat like thief ninja. HIYAH!

When company comes over, this woman is fierce and territorial. She may be a cat, but she ain’t no pussy. She strongly dislikes everybody that comes into our apartment, including my boyfriend half the time. Almost anything that comes into our apartment that is talking and walking or look like it should be, she is on her guard and lets all those poor bastards know it. I buy her toy mice every week and after she scalps them within a few minutes of me giving it to her, she hurls them off the balcony. Bitch. Even though this part of her aggravates me and annoys the shit out of me, I feel I could learn something from it.

So back to my life coach cat theory. I can talk to Olive and tell her about anything and know she won’t say a fucking word, even in the unlikely chance she is listening it is still nice to vent to her. But yes, I know she doesn’t give a shit.

She watches me and my man rub naughty bits. Yeah, it’s creepy, but hey she ain’t judging and that’s a nice feeling. Sometime when things are getting hot and heavy between me and my man, I can just shoot her a look and she looks at me with approval. In my mind she is saying, You did good kid, real good!

I don’t know how this happens, but somehow anytime I hurt myself, whether it’s dropping a hammer on my foot or being constipated, in those moments of pain and complete discomfort she does something hilarious. She’ll roll out of the closet, or smoke her head on the class window. Once time she got stuck in my man’s skivvies after I started crying after I bang my foot on the corner of the dresser. I literally dribbled in my pants I was laughing so hard. This cat is hilarious. Life coaches should be funny. Laughter is good!

Let me delve in a little bit about Olive’s past. When she was about 3 months old we met. I was on my way to the beach and a gentleman walks on the bus and Olive falls out of his backpack. She looks up at me. I swear she looked just like my old cat Gertie who was a huge obese mammoth of a kitty. (Olive however, not obese). The man who had her said he found her, in an alley way. Apparently, her mother was attempting to kill her. He took her, and put her in his backpack. This man had no money and was looking for some cash for a quick fix. I caved. I couldn’t resist this funny looking cat. So 30$ later, I become the proud owner of Olive (back then her name was 6 pack, but I don’t want to talk about it). This kitty went from riches to rags and that in itself is kind of inspiring. (Gawd, I’m sad..)

She follows me everywhere I go in the apartment. Me and this cat are just that close. I don’t know what I would do without this crazy ass kitty. I love her. Therefore I nominate her as my life coach. Like I said, she fucking owes me. So friends who I usually go to for certain complications and issues in life, if I stop going to you then that I think would be a good thing. However, if I start shitting in the litter box, and licking my flaps with my leg outstretch over my head, help a sister out. It clearly means Olive, is a terrible life coach. But until that moment happens, Ciao my people.


ImageThis is Olive!ImageShe is my bestest friend in the whole world.

ImageShe always has my back.

ImageShe is always by my side.

ImageLaundry overwhelms her.

ImageShe is a bit of a tool, but that is okay.

ImageCall of Duty is our bitch, she’ll never leave me Left for Dead.

dumb fuck

She gonna cat-dumb-fuck you up!

ImageShe gets into shit. Legit!

ImageSometimes I think she might have Down Syndrome.


But then I realize, she just be crazy!


And she be lazy as fuck.


She wakes us up with no eggs or bakey, she is an alarm clock in the making.


She gets balls deep in comfort.



And sometimes she is just balls deep.

photo bombs

She photo bombs all my photos!

pipes 068

She is a tank!


She is epic, for no reason.


She loves PIZZA!


And sandwiches too!


She has mastered the selfie!


She has great taste in music.


Grooms herself well.


She is a stone-cold killa!


She thinks she is a ninja, but really she is just a creeper.


She loves to cuddle the fuck out of people.


She is often deep in thought.

space ship

She thinks she can fly, but I don’t tell her else wise.

whole new world

She is always seeking adventure.


She flaunts what she gots.


Together, our guild is growing strong!


I love her so much!


This is Olive.