Cait Interrupted

Hi friends,

Alas, where do I even begin…

Monday I was admitted into emergency. Now, in my mind absolutely no real emergency whatsoever. I say this because, for the last two days I was just indifferent. I felt empty, I felt like any feeling I ever felt was gone and that for the remainder of my so-called life I would always feel just this…just…desolate. Cait’s very own wasteland. A place that used to be bumping full of energy and smiles and happy-go-lucky type shit. Now it’s just nothing. An abandoned amusement park, no longer amusing.786e44a15f57dded1b6359cd0e6cfd32

This year has been quite the rollercoaster to say the least and fuck do I ever hate using that metaphor, but it is so true. Up and down, then stalls, then up and down, then some bitch loses her phone because she’s a fucking idiot for trying to take a selfie with a phone……UGH!!!!!!!!!!! This ride isn’t fun anymore.

I called my mom on Monday. I was sad. I often call mom when I am sad. I don’t mean too, and I hate to have her feel helpless because she isn’t here, but there are only few people I feel semi-okay/butnotreally/butitstheclosestIwillgettofeelingcomfortablewithsomeone.

If mom is busy, I call the ex. Now, before you guys go to any conclusions let me explain something to you. My ex and I have been broken up for two years now. In the beginning I would do my best not to call him in these moments, simply because I didn’t want him to feel used. I didn’t want him to feel like I only called him because for 8 years we were together and it was routine, it was comfort. However, he knows me. He knows I’m incredibly stubborn, he knows I hate feet, he knows the scars on my body (inside and out), he knows about my secret obsession with nutcrackers (shhhhh it’s a secret!). He just knows me. He perhaps, is my closest confidant.

On Monday, after being on the phone with my mom, I called the ex. We decided it was time to take me in. Where folks? TO THE LOONY BIN OF COURSE! Kidding! I get I’m crazy, but I am not quite girl interrupted yet. Hospital it is.

On the way to there, I was thinking two things: 1) This isn’t a real emergency? 2) So craving a Happy Meal…

We get there and it isn’t busy one bit. Thank gawd too. I would hate to have someone with a machete in their head or someone birthing a goat have to wait on me just because I am having a sad, sad day.

I was shocked. And I don’t know why I was so shocked, but when I got there everyone was so comforting. The nurses seem to genuinely care about my well being. They didn’t want me to leave, they didn’t want me to feel sadness anymore, they truly wanted to help me. So much in fact they bumped me up before a sick baby. Sorry sick baby, but Cait’s a baby too….

They brought me in to see a psychoanalyst. I forget her name, but she was quite lovely. They also brought in a general physician.I was broken friends. I couldn’t stop feeling sad, I couldn’t stop crying. How did I let it get to this point? ME! Cait the mother fucking great, the toughest cookie in town was crumbling.

I talked to ….lets call her Miss Lovely (psychoanalyst). She truly was lovely. She seemed to have compassion for me, she wanted to understand, she genuinely was listening to all my words and ramblings. She asked me questions, upon questions, but for once I didn’t mind. She asked me about my drug use, I was honest. About my diet, I was honest, about any past or present relationships and in that I tried not to share. I tried not to be honest, but in the end she knew the whole story.

Miss Lovely, then talked to the ex. Since he knows me best, sometimes I think better than I know myself. They both came in a short time later.

I will now be going to an outpatient treatment center. Just to have someone to talk to once 3a51a-depressiontwo8-2in awhile. Someone who can hopefully help me sort out my shit. Someone who is either willing or at least paid to listen to my stories (and I got lots of them stories).

It was funny, on the drive home, the ex turn towards me and… Miss Lovely was so fuck foxing, I should got her number….ugh!!!!! BOYS!!! We had a laughed. He dropped me off, helped cleaned my place a bit, tucked both Bear and I into bed and then it was Tuesday. A new day, still a sad one, but then it’ll be Wednesday, then Thursday, and if it’s true what They say (who ever They are), every day gets better. And I’ve finally taken steps to get better myself.

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Favourites

Okay, this may seem like I am a broken record and if I am fuck you. Broken records can still play some great tunes. I’ve decided to blog about my favourite things. I think it had to do with my previous movie marathon of The Sound of Music. Yes folks, thats me JUST  watching The Sound of Music over and over again, my choice. OR perhaps and this is just perhaps it has to do with me getting the get-to-know-you done and over with. No more first dates needed! Just blog your favies, and tadah!!! You’ll be getting to 3rd base before you meet a bitch. Think about it this could be the new trend. I mean,  #trend.

These are random favourites, some quite useless and would probably never be mention during a lifer-courtship, but whatever. Alright, read me up creeps!

ImageFlower(s): Poppies! Perhaps it has to do with the poppies being my grandma’s favourite flower or because it made Dorothy fall asleep (sleep as ya’ll know by now is one of my favourite past times). Next too poppies I love tiger lilies. My grandma grew these (among other flowers), along side the house and they always caught my attention.

Actor(s): Straight up Leo DiCaprio and Ewan McGregor. Makes sense!

Colour: GREEN!

Dessert: Strawberry cheesecake.

Animal(s): EWOKS! And wolves and foxes.

Book: The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams and Fall on Your Knees by Anne-Marie MacDonald.

Movie: The Wizard of Oz and Moulin Rouge.

Number: 4, more specifically 04, looks better on a jersey.

Body Part: My nose, which may surprise many! I love my nose. It’s not too big, it’s not too small, it’s just right. 

Clothing:  Sweat pants and feathers!

Sport: Hmmm, well I enjoy playing Volleyball the most, but I prefer to watch male divers..haha…yeah….

Season: Fall. Everything about it is beautiful! The colours, styles, the crispy air, the feeling that Christmas is on it’s way and of course PUMPKIN SPICE!

Drink: Green tea, always green tea…mmmmmm green tea….

Podcast: The Adam Carolla Show!

Form of Exercise: Anything that gets me a sweating and my heart a pumping! So dancing, fucking, running, swimming…..

Video GAme: This is tough, because there are so many shitty ones and so many great ones. And then there are the games that where great during the time, but you look at it now and you’d rather eat a McMuffin that was shat out from a middle-aged man child with a baby arm. Therefore… Golden Eye (N64), Dishonored (Xbox), Prince of Persia Sands of Time (Game Cube) and yeah….that’ll do for now. OH WAIT, but the most epic and awesome video game Zelda: Ocarina of Time. Dudes, I’m telling you if they remade this game with pimped out graphics, that would be stellar!

Thing to shout: STELLA!! Preferably while I’m ripping my shirt up.

Director: Quentin Tarantino.

Super Hero: BATMAN! Image

Day: Thursday. Yoga, cardio cross and step class.

Qualities: Love, beauty, health.

Saying(s): There’s no place like home, suck it up, buttercup!

Drug: Love and when it’s not love its WoW crack.

Past times: Sleeping, dancing, exercising, laughing and video games.

Vacation Destination: Home, but if Tatooine would be an option I would just Tatooine.

Shoes: Moccasins and ruby red slippers.

Pet: I had an obese cat named Gertie who I loved dearly. She pissed on everything that wasn’t mine and poke me in the eye when I was attempting to sleep, she also served as a great pillow. Shyanne, was essentially my nana for atleast 12 years of my life. My currently cat, is still worker her way to my favourite list. She’s a bitch.

Food: French Fries.

Movie Character: The Tin Man and The Velveteen Rabbit.

MMmkay folks…..

Fin.

I Love You, But…

 

batman_cryingI love you, but you don’t believe I’m Batman.

I love you, but you need to get out more and enjoy life.

I love you, but you but you need to listen, (at least 50% of the time).

I love you, but sometimes you bring me down.

I love you, but you will never find the golden ticket.

I love you, but watching The Human Centipede wasn’t worth it.

I love you, but you don’t need to put yourself before everyone else. Be selfish once in awhile.

I love you, but don’t let people get to you, unless it’s Ewan McGregor (He can get to you/in you/on you any day)

I love you, but sometimes you should just hold in your fart.

I love you, but you need to accept me for me, (CRAZY).

I love you, but you don’t smile as much anymore. And when you do, it’s sad. A sad smile. That’s not a good smile. It’s like a sad, sad, clown. I would rather cup my cats fart than see a sad smile.

10_EmiLenoxI love you, but you don’t care about a lot of things in life, so just pretend you care.

I love you, but you need to figure your shit out.

I love you, but you don’t express how you feel often and when you do, it’s once in a blue moon. And when that blue moon comes around everyone is running for cover.

I love you, but you are too hard on yourself.

I love you, but you need to allow others to help you out.

I love you, but you drool in your sleep, and it’s kind of annoying, and messy and gets all over the place.

I love you, but you laugh too much and sometimes dribble, in you pants, down your leg.

I love you, but you need to stop watching daytime television.

I love you, but what……?

(Just a little note, to someone special, to someone crazy, to someone who is a narcissistic , future jedi knight…ME!)

I love you, but you can’t always make light of a situation, everything isn’t always a joke.