GUESS WHAT FUCKERS!!! I’M BACK!!! Now isn’t that just the sweetest way to say HELLO after almost a year or so hiatus. Truth be told, I have been blogging, documenting life’s little tidbits in my trusty little handwritten book, and just be too god damn lazy to type them up. But don’t worry dear friends. Time will come when these lil doodle poetics will be placed on the cyber net for your viewing pleasure only.
Anywho, I thought I’d blog ya’lls with a lil update on me. (So not narcissistic at all)….
So since I’m a 27 year old biddy, and excellent at writing lists, that is what I shall do.
- My last blog was about me getting a baby. And no, I’m not talking about shitting out a kid or buying Mongolian toddlers from the black market. I got myself, a dog, name Barrie St.Bernard. And yes, that is his full name.
- My cat Olive, only enjoys Barrie St.Bernard for the shear fact he eats her shit. Other than that, he is the Bane of her existence. (And yes, Bane as in Batman.)
- I’ve up and left my last humble abode. And graduated from the Upper Ghetto of New West to Chateau El’La Shanty Town, Burnaby.
- My 6th anniversary with my man was forgotten. La Fin.
- I looked in the mirror one day and realized how time flies by. Also discovered a new freckle. I named it Dotty
- Did spring cleaning in December and liked it. Also found some cheese string in a pair of denims I haven’t worn since circa,08;
- Became addicted to Red Bull after a gaming marathon which resulted in me stroking out after I lost 142 of my saves.
- My girlfriend passed away this summer. Incredibly heart-breaking.
- Finally, a few of the movies I worked on are out. Check out, Step Up 5, Big Eyes, If I Stay, Night of The Museum 3 and more. I will say this my endeavors of becoming an actor have resulted in me being ‘arm-candy’, a statue, ‘girl with tray’, serving wench, ‘sad girl 2’, ‘a hungry I’, ‘wedding guest’ , ‘hand double’ etc.…My resume must be looking pretty tasty right about now.
- Did the ALS ice bucket challenge and actually donated 100$.
- I still wear a fanny pack.
- My daily trips to the dog park without a dog park are no more! I am now a real person and have Barrie to venture to the parks too. Perfect place to smoke my medicine, and unwind while Barrie roams free in a fenced off area, a place that resembles a concentration camp. Anne Frank would be proud…How…ideal…
- Convinced myself that rolling my eyes is burning calories. FYI it is.
- I now practice drinking coffee black/decaf/with a straw/peppermint gum. Why I’m practicing? Fuck if I know.
- Held my fart in once for a whole day, just so I could dutch-oven my man, after he forgot to take out the trash. (Future reference for anyone who has the pleasure of living with me. TAKE OUT THE TRASH).
- New Love: Matthew Goode.
- I realized:…..
- Finally retired my Peter Rabbit stuffy to the closet. Don’t worry I’m sure he will come out of the closet again. If Anne Heche can, Peter Rabbit can too.
- I now only make status updates on Facebook while sitting on the toilet.
- Decided to take up cooking, by buying a microwave. Only to return it, when I realized I don’t enjoy cooking.
- Attempted to hold a quarter in my stink crease. (Still have not found the quarter)
- Slept in the parking lot of Timmy Ho’s. (Clearly, a high point in my life).
- Put my car Mia, out to pasture. She’s such a slag.
- Went home for the holidays to see the fam. So in love with being the crazy auntie from out West.
- I wrote Dr. Phil a love letter. Also went into great detail about how I feel I’ve been pollinated by the wind. He has yet to respond. Xoxo.
- All summer I feasted on Mexican food while living in this great city of ours.
- YOLO, mother fucker, YOLO.